ahhhh.... so the “real” countdown begins... and, to be honest, i’m feeling a bit overwhelmed... like there is so much i need to do but — i’m kinda floundering... i’m so disorganized (which is incredibly inconvenient for the perpetually anal-retentive, like myself)... the suitcase is out with piles of clothes (most of which i’ll probably ditch) and other crap strewn across my living room (books, gizmos, adapters/converters, meds, blah, blah, blah)... ack! how many pairs of pants? how many shoes? do i bring the heavy jacket? where are my lesson plans? who am i? :)
this adventure has been a looooooong time in the making... so why am i, the super-planning queen of A-R, procrastinating? it’s just not me...
taking an honest gander, it’s a combination of things... concerns that something will happen and i’ll, once again, be delayed... trepidation about what’s in store... and, well, dang near paralysis after a year of a butt-kicking economy... getting back to school and them heavy things that can only be put upon oneself... my energy level just isn’t at its typical, high-octane norm...
fact is, i’m beat.
across the board... it’s been a bumpy year... i entered a whole new, rather painful demographic... threw my butt back into the world of academia (which i so adore... really, it’s been such a blessing).... lost people i love (one of whom i especially miss every damn day)... questioned my place in this world... lost copious amounts of sleep regarding the professional ramifications of this whacked economy... dealt with some big family history issues... and attempted to juggle it all and keep a smile on my face (most likely, unsuccessfully)... phew... it’s been trying... and it’s taken its toll... i’m really... REALLY worn (yet canNOT sleep)...
yes, i'm tired... BUT there’s one thing i know — i’m sure as heck am not down for the count...
i’m not a believer in the notion of “things happen for a reason”... and, certainly, don’t buy into the “there’s a plan” idea... but, truth be told, this trip is coming at the perfect time, personally (professionally? not so much... NOW i’m busy! :)... some sorting out is in order... sacrifice... introspection (e.g.., “getting real with my bad self”... thanks, jp)... finding clarity and joy in simplicity... and, maybe, just giving myself a flippin’ break...
so that’s that... it’s the right trip... the right cause... the right time... mid-life crisis...? i’ve been accused of that before... and, shoot, if i live to see 80, i’d be shocked... but it is something... an evolution... a commitment to growing... learning... and trying to be better is how i prefer to see it...
ok... now, where the hell are my lesson plans?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
i learned something today...
so... was up at the fair-to-middlin' buttcrack o'dawn... and headed to lovely downtown la to the chinese consulate to apply for my travel visa (why i still never remember how to get there, despite this being my third trip, is somewhat beyond me)...
it's strange but (other than the actual hassle of getting there) i completely dig going to the consulate... not sure why... it just kind of makes me giggle... the oddly efficient, yet wholly inefficient, system... the bureaucratic paperwork (after bringing the competely filled-out app with you, you're told to fill out another form, giving them much of the same info)... the mixture of cultures all from one country... the complete and utter absence of "personal space"... the hacking, spitting, coughing and other bodily... ummm... functions that, here in the west, are generally suppressed out of our filtered sense of "good taste"... the screaming (and subsequent security-escorted exits) when things don't go one's way (to quote the hitchiker's guide, "resistence is useless!"... it's a brilliant reminder of (and preparation for) the country and culture i'm about to walk back into... no matter how many times you go, it's a culture shock...
anyone who says visiting china is not a wake-up call to the western psyche either didn't pay attention or "viewed" this country and its people from the physically and emotionally sterile environment of an air-conditioned bus with 60 other foreigners looking to tick another item off the "1,000 Places to See Before You Die" checklist"... they didn't walk through the streets at night, unescorted... only ate at their hotel (or the wherever their tourguide took them)... and spent little to no time even attempting to talk to anyone who actually lives there...
they saw landmarks, not a country... which is a damn shame, as there is so much more... but that's another entry... and i digress (not so shocking :)
ANYHOO... back to the consulate... while happily bobbing along, i realized the true reason i like being there was during a conversation i had with an older gentleman sitting next to me who is going back to his hometown outside of guangzhou. he hasn't been there in nearly 10 years... has grandchildren he's never met... and can't wait to go back to what remains for him, even after 25 years in the u.s., "normal life"... and it was in that moment that it became so ridiculously obvious... simply enough, i love the hope... the excitement of those who have dealt with culture shocks of their own, preparing to go back to their roots... to the familiar... friends, family, traditions... and food... (really, he spent 20 minutes telling me all about what he couldn't wait to eat when he got there... which rocked)...
i realized that, when it comes down to it... it's about home... no matter where one wanders, it always call...
hmmmm... as different as we all are, we're so much the same...
k
oh, and, brian... i should have my visa next friday :)
it's strange but (other than the actual hassle of getting there) i completely dig going to the consulate... not sure why... it just kind of makes me giggle... the oddly efficient, yet wholly inefficient, system... the bureaucratic paperwork (after bringing the competely filled-out app with you, you're told to fill out another form, giving them much of the same info)... the mixture of cultures all from one country... the complete and utter absence of "personal space"... the hacking, spitting, coughing and other bodily... ummm... functions that, here in the west, are generally suppressed out of our filtered sense of "good taste"... the screaming (and subsequent security-escorted exits) when things don't go one's way (to quote the hitchiker's guide, "resistence is useless!"... it's a brilliant reminder of (and preparation for) the country and culture i'm about to walk back into... no matter how many times you go, it's a culture shock...
anyone who says visiting china is not a wake-up call to the western psyche either didn't pay attention or "viewed" this country and its people from the physically and emotionally sterile environment of an air-conditioned bus with 60 other foreigners looking to tick another item off the "1,000 Places to See Before You Die" checklist"... they didn't walk through the streets at night, unescorted... only ate at their hotel (or the wherever their tourguide took them)... and spent little to no time even attempting to talk to anyone who actually lives there...
they saw landmarks, not a country... which is a damn shame, as there is so much more... but that's another entry... and i digress (not so shocking :)
ANYHOO... back to the consulate... while happily bobbing along, i realized the true reason i like being there was during a conversation i had with an older gentleman sitting next to me who is going back to his hometown outside of guangzhou. he hasn't been there in nearly 10 years... has grandchildren he's never met... and can't wait to go back to what remains for him, even after 25 years in the u.s., "normal life"... and it was in that moment that it became so ridiculously obvious... simply enough, i love the hope... the excitement of those who have dealt with culture shocks of their own, preparing to go back to their roots... to the familiar... friends, family, traditions... and food... (really, he spent 20 minutes telling me all about what he couldn't wait to eat when he got there... which rocked)...
i realized that, when it comes down to it... it's about home... no matter where one wanders, it always call...
hmmmm... as different as we all are, we're so much the same...
k
oh, and, brian... i should have my visa next friday :)
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