ahhhh.... so the “real” countdown begins... and, to be honest, i’m feeling a bit overwhelmed... like there is so much i need to do but — i’m kinda floundering... i’m so disorganized (which is incredibly inconvenient for the perpetually anal-retentive, like myself)... the suitcase is out with piles of clothes (most of which i’ll probably ditch) and other crap strewn across my living room (books, gizmos, adapters/converters, meds, blah, blah, blah)... ack! how many pairs of pants? how many shoes? do i bring the heavy jacket? where are my lesson plans? who am i? :)
this adventure has been a looooooong time in the making... so why am i, the super-planning queen of A-R, procrastinating? it’s just not me...
taking an honest gander, it’s a combination of things... concerns that something will happen and i’ll, once again, be delayed... trepidation about what’s in store... and, well, dang near paralysis after a year of a butt-kicking economy... getting back to school and them heavy things that can only be put upon oneself... my energy level just isn’t at its typical, high-octane norm...
fact is, i’m beat.
across the board... it’s been a bumpy year... i entered a whole new, rather painful demographic... threw my butt back into the world of academia (which i so adore... really, it’s been such a blessing).... lost people i love (one of whom i especially miss every damn day)... questioned my place in this world... lost copious amounts of sleep regarding the professional ramifications of this whacked economy... dealt with some big family history issues... and attempted to juggle it all and keep a smile on my face (most likely, unsuccessfully)... phew... it’s been trying... and it’s taken its toll... i’m really... REALLY worn (yet canNOT sleep)...
yes, i'm tired... BUT there’s one thing i know — i’m sure as heck am not down for the count...
i’m not a believer in the notion of “things happen for a reason”... and, certainly, don’t buy into the “there’s a plan” idea... but, truth be told, this trip is coming at the perfect time, personally (professionally? not so much... NOW i’m busy! :)... some sorting out is in order... sacrifice... introspection (e.g.., “getting real with my bad self”... thanks, jp)... finding clarity and joy in simplicity... and, maybe, just giving myself a flippin’ break...
so that’s that... it’s the right trip... the right cause... the right time... mid-life crisis...? i’ve been accused of that before... and, shoot, if i live to see 80, i’d be shocked... but it is something... an evolution... a commitment to growing... learning... and trying to be better is how i prefer to see it...
ok... now, where the hell are my lesson plans?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment